FEAR and PHOBIA

August 25 2010


I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense... When I write when i'm emotional it doesn't come out right. Sorry All. 


Fear is an emotional response to a perceived threat. It is a basic survival mechanism occurring in response to a specific stimulus, such as pain or the threat of danger.

Phobia is an irrational, intense and persistent fear of certain situations, activities, things, animals, or people.


Today I went to the dentist for a cleaning. It was very hard for me to do especially alone, but I knew I needed to go because I have a cavity. I brush my teeth twice a day and floss as often as I can, because I a weirdo and really enjoy flossing he he he. 
2 weeks ago I noticed I had a cavity I called and made and appointment. I told the receptionist I am not a normal patient. I have had a lot of trauma and I just wanted to warn you. She was very sweet and told me not to worry. I hung up with her and started to cry. Mike was like babe whats wrong? I then explained to him how terribly scarred I was of the dentist. He knew all of this, but didn't know the details of why. I explained to him how horrible my oral surgeon was and all the stuff that I remember and how it felt and the sounds of the feeling of cutting and sowing and.... I am not going to go into any more detail because no one should ever experience what I did. He then understood and comforted me. Mind you I am 5 months pregnant and so I am a lot more sensitive than normal. 


1:00 today I took my lunch break and drove to the dentist all by my self! They are a new dentist for me I am switching to Mikes so that I don't have 4 Dentists/Specialist. And hopefully will just be able to go to him for everything! Finally the assistant called my name and thats about the time my eyes started to water. She kept asking me how I was and that it was all going to be okay. I told her I was expecting and she said do you still want to do x-rays I said well what do you think should I or do most people not. She said she would and most people just wear two covers. So I agreed and she only did the sides of my mouth not the front so that the machine wouldn't be over my belly, and I have all fake teeth in the front so we knew there wouldn't be anything worth x-raying there. 
She then started the cleaning...  Holy hell am I sensitive I was bleeding like crazy. She said its normal its because I am pregnant and so my gums are extremely sensitive. 
After what seemed like forever and I'm sure it was a normal amount of time I was done. 
Done with the cleaning....


I then called Mike for our insurance card and he said he was like 5 minutes away with that info. Yes my hubby came to the rescue. I asked him to come for the last half. I usually have my mom come (when I had my oral surgeries), but she has seen me in pain enough so I decided its Mikes turn to be my moral support! 


The Drs. came in and said lets take a look I just want to examine. I opened my mouth and started to tear up. He then started saying all this medical gibberish to the assistant. I knew it wasn't good. He then sat me up and said okay lets get a game plan. By this point there was no way of holding the tears back. He said I can tell you have had a lot of work done. I then started to bawl because all of those memories started rushing though my head. He said Nikki what you have is a Phobia and a Fear. Did you get put under when you had your surgeries. I said yes, for some and no for some. He said you should have been put out for all of them. I said I am sorry I am crying I just remember a lot of the pain. He then said I promise that you won't feel a thing when we do work on your mouth. I then asked how much work are you going to have to do. He said have you had a lot of morning sickness?  I said yes I still do, its mostly just acid and bile. 
He said well you have 7 small cavities and your tooth enamel is very soft. 7 cavities! (still bawling) How can this be? That's not even possible. Oh its possible all right. He said they are just going to be minor fixes. He then said I am going to give a toothpaste and a mouth wash that will protect your teeth from the acid. He then said you have a choice we can do the work right now and I am going to be very gentle and re build trust that was lost. Or we can wait till you have the baby and I can give you Triazilam. Which will make you feel very at peace. He said its compared to Valume. He said I would like to give this to you, but I can't while your pregnant because when your on this we monitor your breathing and we can't do that with the baby. He said you cavity won't get much worse with this mouth was and toothpaste I want you using. 
Mike and I both agreed plan B was best! I will see you in January all drugged up. 


I loved my new Drs. he didn't do anything today, but he was the nicest Dr. I have ever met besides my baby Dr. I could tell that he genuinely cared and understood. I feel better about him.


This isn't my x-ray, but I wanted you to be able to see what my implants look like in x-ray view. 

January 4th 2010

Yesterday I had my dentist appointment....
At 8:00 Mike and I took P over to my moms. I took one pill called Triazliam. I didn't feel anything except tired because I was running on 2 hours of sleep. (I've had a unhappy baby)
We got to the dentist at nine and they had me take another pill. They put me on the gas and then waited 15 min. She then asked me if i felt different. I did not. She then gave me another crushed up pill. Then we waited again. I started getting a little loopy. I was then given I believe about 4 or 5 shots in my mouth. They were not as bad as my last experience with my oral surgeon! They still hurt though. I'm glad Mike was there to hold my hand. That is about the time that I started drifting off. The drugs hit me, I couldn't keep my eyes open. I remember bits and pieces like another shot because I wasn't quite numb in one area. For the most part i was gone and it was amazing! If I ever have another cavity this will be my life savor. Now that I know the acid can ruin your teeth from throwing up and that I can get a prescription toothpaste for this i can say I will have a plan next time we decide to have a baby.  
Mike then took me to my moms where I could sleep of the drugs for the next few hours and he headed to work. There I had a few conversations with my mom. My brother and my Mother-in-law came over. I then woke up around 4 in some pain from him fixing all 7 cavities. I then asked my mom if P had eating all her milk and if she pooped and so on. My mom just laughed at me and said you already asked me all of this. So that is conversation #1 that I can't remember. My brother came over and I still don't know what we talked about I just remember I saw him. #3 I asked my mom about my other mom Suzanne. She laughed and told me she came over. #4 I remember the dentist giving me instructions about my teeth and coming back in, but only breif and no details. (don't worry Mike filled me in) #5 Mike all last night I'd talk to him and he would say... You already told me that or we all ready talked about that. So there you have it one loopy Nikki. and one very nice dentist visit!